Another day

So a few days have passed since my last post. Not much has happened. This weekend I pretty much chilled in my room and ordered a bunch of pizzas. Most of my friends went up to PA and I need to save money so I just slumped around. Class has been going really slow. It's all been straight up lecture. I definately realized some problems I have with school. When I get frustrated or feel overwhelmed, I tend to get really pissed off. Today in class my teacher kept talking and talking and talking and I was getting so annoyed because I know that everything was going to be on our quiz the next day so I got madder and madder and completely shut her out. Yes I realize this isn't the best way to deal with frustration, but I tend to do it. I did it in my calc class also and that didn't help. I just hate not being able to quickly grasp things and I mostly hate not understanding things. Which makes dealing with the loss of Laurie that much harder. Sometimes I just feel guilty not feeling sorrow and other times I feel guilty for feeling bad because we did lose touch. I think I've learned to accept the fact that I will never see her again, but in all honesty I don't think I have yet come to terms with the circumstances surrounding her death. It's been just over a month. It feels like such a long time ago that I stared blankly into a plastic mummy that resembled her. Almost everyday I see her smiling face and I hear her laugh in my head and it makes me smile. I miss her...