people still use this thing?

a

I called Laurie's phone everyday this past week just so I can hear her voice. I still can't bring myself to gain any type of closure

Have you ever felt like you were just drifting further and further away from what is right and what you should be doing, but either don't care or don't want to do anything about it?

This is where I'm at right now...

here i go again

I should be sleeping right now. Its 330 am, I just fell asleep at 130. Cant sleep. Too Much on my mind. today is my last official day of work. In 20 measley hours I get in my car and never look back. No more NC for me. Home sweet home I come.

I packed all my stuff and 99% of it is sitting in my car. I used my comforter as a towel after my shower. This is deep.

Random Pic for you. I dont have to do this anymore!



time to face everything i ran away from 3 years ago. time to face everything i've pushed away. time to face life. time to Live life. Peace

nyc

Well I thought I would add some nonsense so everytime I looked at this, I would't see the same depressing post. Anyway, this past weekend was a 3 day holiday for us so I decided to go with my buddy to Jersey. We decided to hit up New York City while we were that. That was a site to see. I got to see Times Square, Grand Central, Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, the UN building, Empire State Building, and more. The most touching part was when we went to go see ground zero; where the World Trade Center towers used to be. It was surreal. Just walking around, I couldn't imagine what it would have been like to have been there and experienced the horrors that happened that. Since we were military, they opened up this little gate for us that had a memorial set up and a slightly better view. IT blew my mind. It's been almost 4 years... It was definately an eye opener and a good experience. Reminded me of what I was doing was not in vain.


one more week today...

So lately I've been listening to lots of different music and this particular line stuck out to me

"Have you ever felt this way before? 'cause I don't wanna hide here anymore. Take me to place where nothing's wrong and thanks for coming, shut the door...

And now I'm calling out to you, this is a call; this is a call out, 'Cause everytime I fall down, I reach out to you, and I'm losing all control now, and my hazard signs are all out, I'm asking you, to show me what this life is all about.

Show me what this life is all about
Show me what this life is all about"


It all became more real to me this past weekend. A soldier died this weekend. A soldier who didn't have to die. A soldier who was in my company. A solider I worked along side with for many months. A husband, a father, a leader, a solider. A soldier did who didn't have to. A soldier committed suicide... The third suicide in the past 3 months, the 4th death of someone I knew. He was once again the last person you'd suspect... I hate this. "Show me what this life is all about" Times like these I can't seem to find any hope. I just don't know what to do anymore. Show me what this life is all about, just show me, please.

"Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends"

Good weekend

So I actually have a lot to say. I really don't know what's going on with that, but here goes.


This weekend I learned or reaffifmed...

Rolling up the windows with your head sticking out of it is not a good idea.

It is wise to roll up your windows before getting into the car wash

No matter how hard you try to open your room door with your car alarm keypad, it won't work

I will never be able to escape Chicago traffic, even if I do leave at 5am

Chicago is the only place where if you drive 25 over the speed limit in a construction zone, you still better be in the slow/right lanes.

There are two major "laws" of the highway. #1 If you are in the right lane behind someone slow and you move over to pass them, they will always speed up. If you have someone tailgating you in the left lane and you pull over to the right, they will always slow down.

I have some really good friends that I sometimes take advantage of

Sometimes what you need to hear or see is clearly right in front of you, but sometimes im too stubborn to accept it

I accept things better when I know I don't have a choice



So this weekend I went home for a day to drop most of my big things home. I stayed til Saturday where I drove to Virginia Beach to meet some friends. Now this past week I've kind of been in and out grieving and such. On Sunday, I went to church. I think the first actual service I've been to in 3 years. I really didn't feel the urge to be there at all, but I am glad I did. The service was a Memorial Day Tribute and the message was on grieving and mourning the loss of someone you love. It was a much needed smack in the face, but I still dont know where I am or how I feel religion/church wise. This verse tho stuck out in my mind and somehow I remembered it

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace"

choices choices so many choices

Why does making a decison that affects your future have to be so hard to make? Maybe it's a decision that can change your whole life has something to do with it, who knows. Right now I am caught um between going to Harper and going to U of I. Both have their advantages and both have their drawbacks. For some strange reason U of I accepted me into their school, but I just got a letter saying that I won't be able to take the required courses for my freshmen year and that they don't recommend me taking the ones I can. Which=another year there. I think going there would be fun and part of the "college experience" but I don't want to waste an extra 10gs to go to a school that doesn't expect me to do well. I hate making tough choices like this. I have until June 1 to make my final decison so all you praying type out there, I would appreciate some right about now.

d

So yesterday I had to go see a specialized doctor and he found some possible "complications" They are pretty severe, but in my opinion it was just a somewhat rushed educated guess so I am not going to worry about it too much. I did however have to drop my EMT class today for several reasons. Number 1, I was put on some medication and I'm not supposed to drive at all. Number 2, I have a lot of upcoming appointments coming up and I'd miss too many classes. I really would have liked to stay in that class. I hate starting something and not being able to finish it even if it is beyond my control. Well, other than that, I have nothing more to say...